How To Be Happy

I can’t be trusted to sit next to my sister at a formal, somber event. I should know this by now.

Our shoulders bounced up and down as we held our breath, trying not to laugh. I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hands, furrowed my brow, and did not dare to even glance in her direction. Just the thought of her holding in the same laughter I was struggling to contain was enough to send me over the edge. It felt like a full-on workout to keep myself from laughing. 

It was Christmas Eve at our grandparents’ church. They were having a candlelight service, and the pastor was talking solemnly about the life of Jesus. But at one point, he described Jesus as “spread eagle on the cross.” It was the unexpected, open-for-interpretation phrasing of Jesus in a “spread eagle” position that sent us into a tailspin of laughter. 

We tried desperately to squash the urge from bubbling up, but we were wildly unsuccessful. Somehow no one else in the entire church seemed fazed by the imagery, and that only added fuel to the fire. Apparently, everyone else was more mature than we were.

Taking Every Thought Captive

Whenever I’m feeling grumpy or sad, I replay that Christmas Eve story in my head, and immediately, I can snap out of the funk I’m in. It’s kind of amazing how our thoughts can shift our emotions so quickly. I can make myself feel any emotion, just by paying attention to my thoughts.

I know how to make myself really angry. I just replay a time when my field hockey coach disrespected me in front of the entire team. I can already feel my blood start to simmer as I type the words.

I know how to make myself feel sad and depressed. I just conjure up the memories of our miscarriage or the dark parts of being a foster mom.

I know how to make myself feel insecure and isolated. I just tell myself I’m not good at anything and assume my friends are too busy to ever hang out.

I know how to make myself feel bitter and resentful. I just assume the worst about people and believe they’re trying to hurt me on purpose.

It’s pretty easy to make myself feel any emotion. I just have to think thoughts that lead me there. 

Positive Thinking

If I can make myself feel anger, frustration, bitterness, and a whole host of negative emotions, surely I can create positive ones too, right?

If I want to feel loved, I picture my kids running to the door to give me one more kiss and one more hug before I leave the house.

If I want to feel happy, I picture our trip to Disney World where we had the best weather, the most fun, and the happiest days. 

If I want to feel relaxed, I picture the swim-up room and swim-up bar from our honeymoon. Actually, every time I get my blood pressure taken, I picture that resort because I had zero cares in the world while I was there.

I’ve only recently learned the importance of getting a grip on my thinking. I used to be the kind of person who would wake up grumpy and think, “Well, I guess we’re going to be grumpy today!” 

I had no idea I had the power to control my emotions by changing my thoughts.

Creating My Own Reality

I start a new job tomorrow. And because I have the tendency to let my thoughts run amuck, I’m naturally inclined to think things like…

    What if people don’t like me?

    What if I’m not good at my job?

    What if things get chaotic at home because I started working?

If I keep thinking those negative thoughts, my brain will get to work, searching for evidence that people don’t like me, I’m not good at my job, and my family is worse off now that I’m working. It will completely ignore any evidence of the opposite.

As my good buddy, Mark Hunderwork, says, “You create your own reality.” So if I think people don’t like me, I will look at every interaction and social situation to prove people don’t like me. What a painful reality to create. I don’t want to live like that.

Instead, I want to fill my brain with all of the positive possibilities. Because I guarantee if I choose to believe the best, I will show up for the day as my best self. 

    What if I’m likable?

    What if I do a really good job?

    What if my family thrives because I started working?

Now I can let my brain go to work in search of evidence of the positive possibilities. And suddenly, I’m excited for work tomorrow. I’m excited to show up as my best self. And I’m excited to see all of the ways this job will be good for my family.

It’s amazing how our thoughts become our emotions, our emotions become our actions, and our actions become our results (and our reality).

Last November, I joined Life Mentoring School, where I first learned about the connection between thoughts, emotions, and actions. It has been life changing to say the least. Honestly, I’m a different person than I was when I first signed up for the program. I really am. I am less frantic, less overwhelmed, more grateful, and more gracious with myself and people around me. I’m a healthier version of myself because I’m taking control of my thoughts and emotional life. 

I can feel happy anytime I want—I just need to picture myself next to my sister in that church pew on Christmas Eve. It makes me smile every time.

You have the power to do that too. What emotions do you want to create today? What thoughts will lead you there?