The Time I Accidentally Dated My Cousin (And Other Blind Date Mishaps)

Valentine’s Day has recently become one of my favorite holidays of the year. I love LOVE! But I had many years of love-less Februarys. 

And leading up to finding the love of my life, I went on a series of blind dates. Because I was the only friend that was single, and everyone wanted me to find someone. Anyone.

At best, blind dates lead to love. At worst, they’re a good story to tell. 

So here are a few of my stories:

1. The Time I Accidentally Dated My Cousin for 15 Minutes

I was 24, and my roommate set me up with her boyfriend’s cousin. He was supposed to pick me up at 7:00. But by 7:45, he still hadn’t arrived. 

Was he standing me up?!

He eventually knocked and apologized profusely for being late. We hopped in his car, and he started to explain, “Sorry I’m late. I was at my Fisher family Christmas party.”

“Uh…I’m a Fisher. I’m Aftan Fisher,” I told him, emphasizing my last name in case he didn’t notice the horror in my voice.

“Oh,” [awkward pause] “I mean, I’m sure we’re not related.”

“Are you in the Fisher Book?” I blurted out, knowing the obvious answer. 

“Yeah,” he said.

“Me too.”

But at that point, we were already trapped in his car and halfway down the road. Thankfully, the coffee shop closed 5 minutes after we got there, so we had to leave anyway. 

I never saw him again, but I always keep an eye out for him at family reunions. 

2. The Sneak Attack

My aunt and uncle were always on the hunt to set me up. One time, they tried to contact Tim Tebow on my behalf because we “have so much in common.” It was the topic of many family dinner conversations.

It makes me laugh that they honest-to-goodness believed a professional athlete would’ve been interested in dating me. Man, everyone needs family members that believe in them that much. 

So my aunt was super excited when she found someone to set me up with. When she described him, she said lots of nice things. But she ended with, “He’s desperate too.” As in, “He’s desperate ALSO.” 

Wait a minute. Did she tell him I was desperate? 

Was I desperate? 

Is that the only thing we had in common?

Now the story gets a little wacky. They unexpectedly brought him to the restaurant where I was working. Like literally working. They showed up and sat in a booth in my section while I was waiting tables. The poor guy had to sit through a whole meal while my family tried to sell him on how great I was. 

I think the sum of our conversation included me saying hi and asking what he wanted to eat. That’s kind of it. I don’t know if it counts as a blind date, but I’m always curious how he retells that story. I’m sure we explain it with similar levels of awkwardness.

3. They Say Opposites Attract

My best friend set me up with someone she’d never met. He was the brother of a coworker, and she couldn’t vouch for him, but his sister was nice. So we met at Prince Street Cafe, the most classic place for a first date. I had had at least 4 first dates there. For some reason, most Christian girls do. I’m not sure why.

I got a latte. He didn’t get anything. He didn’t like coffee. I don’t know why we decided to meet there.

He was nice, so I asked what he liked to do for fun. And he said he liked to work for fun. So I asked what he liked to do besides work. And he said he just liked to work. Making money is fun, so he works for fun.

He asked what I like to do for fun. And I said I liked hiking and rock climbing and playing hockey and soccer. And then he looked me dead in the face and said he thinks those things are a complete waste of time. Because I could be making money instead.

I mean, he’s not wrong…but…

It was a quick blind date. I shook his hand when we left. And we had a very mutual understanding that we’d never see each other again.

4. Blind Date in the Woods

It probably isn’t the smartest thing to do, but I went hiking on a blind date once. The thought of it now feels creepy. 

Even at the time, I knew it was weird. I texted my friends my exact location so they could make sure my icon on Find My Friends was always moving. If it looked like I was traveling south at a fast pace, they said they’d call the cops.

The guy worked at the gym. My friend said he was really nice and great with kids. 

We met at the parking lot where the trail began, and he seemed annoyed to be there. It wasn’t a great start. 

The hike was a 3-mile loop in a beautiful, well-traveled section of the park.

I asked him a bunch of questions—you know, the usual get-to-know-you kinds of things. But he never asked me a single question. Which I thought was weird, but maybe he was nervous. 

And then he stopped abruptly, turned around, and said with absolute irritation, “I can’t keep talking to you AND hike up this hill.” 

Well, shoot. 

We ended up turning around without finishing the hike. Surprisingly, he asked if I wanted to hang out again, and like the little liar that I am, I said, “Sure.” 

And then, of course, I ghosted him for a few weeks because I’m a coward. And ten years later, I still avoid him every time I see him at the gym. 

5. Amish Speed Dating

I don’t even know how it happened, but I participated in an Amish-style speed dating event.

I guess when Amish guys and girls are courting, they go for a walk to get to know each other. 

One of my friends created the event and invited 9 guys and 9 girls, none of whom were Amish by the way. 

The plan was to walk through the streets of Lancaster City in two straight lines. Boys on one side. Girls on the other. And every 3 minutes we’d swap partners and get a new walking buddy.

You guys, we walked downtown in two lines like the characters in the Madeline story books!

People stared. They asked what we were doing.

It was hilariously awkward, and we all knew it. 

I laugh every time I think about it. 

I made some new friends, but there were no love connections. Now it’s one of my favorite dating stories to tell. 

Bonus: A Pretty Crappy Valentine’s Day

Okay, so this one isn’t a blind date. But it goes with the theme of bad dates.

It was February 14, 2010. The guy I was dating forgot it was Valentine’s Day.

That’s never a good sign. 

Instead, he was planning on driving 8 hours to Vermont to pick up some pregnant goats for his new goat farm. 

He didn’t have a truck. Or a trailer. 

He just had a regular car. 

So he folded the back seats down and draped a tarp over them to form a bed for the goats. 

We drove 8 hours there, signed some paperwork, and headed home with two newly-pregnant goats in the back. 

I hadn’t really considered what the drive home would be like. 

But there were two small goats bleating loudly in the back of the car. They refused to lie down, and honestly, I don’t blame them. Because their own urine and feces were sloshing around on the tarp below them. 

Every time the car switched lanes, veered around a corner, or stopped at a red light, little ripples of animal waste slid around in the backseat. 

It was as disgusting as you’re picturing.

To make matters worse, the goats were sometimes caught off-guard by the car’s movements. And they tipped over and slid around like a slip and slide in their own filth. Always scrambling to get back up on their feet again. Bumping into each other and knocking against the sides of the car. Again, covered in poop the whole time. 

We were about halfway home when snow started to fall, and the roads got a little icy. 

And then he started to feel sick. We both did. Being trapped in a car with the stench of animal poop will do that to a person. 

But he was in worse shape than I was, so I offered to drive. It was a super stressful experience. Driving someone else’s car. At night. In the snow. On icy roads. With two wild animals slipping and sliding around in their own feces just inches from my seat.

We made it home safely, but it was still a pretty crappy Valentine’s Day. 

I hope your blind dates turn into love, but if they don’t, I hope they turn into fun stories to laugh about later. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!